Well, since I haven't learned my lesson and we're being censored once again, I'll go ahead with my post so that my opponents can at least understand why we spend more time in press conferences than on the pitch 🤭😁

By the way, Blago, you'll have the right to post your replies here too, as will Steril, although I'd ask for them to be deleted immediately 😏😘
And as a great French philosopher would say (not at all he's just a crocodile clad singer) "You won't have my freedom of thought!"

Jean-Pierre, did you catch that intergalactic rant against us? We've clearly stirred up the hornet's nest, because between the spikes from the new Stéril moustache comb, the electric clash with Blago, and now Jeff bringing out the heavy artillery against us but playing the goody-goody with Blago... it's great art! We're here, we're bothering people, we know things that even Schrödinger's cats don't know. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if these three were the bosses of the Illuminati, or even the Illuminati themselves! And then, the icing on the cake: censored in our interview, and you, my Jean-Pierre, relegated to the rank of extra on TV to please these gentlemen with the XXL melon. That's not contempt, it's conspiracy!
What a tragicomic epic! There goes my freedom of expression. But don't worry, we're not going to be shaken by three illuminati in the throes of an existential crisis. In this dark clarity (that's an oxymoron, Mr Blago) even a goldfish could understand their unhealthy joy. Their speciality? Playing the cardboard hero by attacking the underdog with the subtlety of an elephant in a china shop. And speaking of cardboard, where did the red come from? Ah, what a show, my friends!

who's having an existential crisis?

We should be paid by character for interviews!
Morten or Blagoje, can I post in IMPROVEMENT PROJECT?

bunrocel: c'est qui qui a une crise existentielle ?

I don't know, maybe it's those who take this game too seriously and are constantly posting in the carrot section while proclaiming themselves to be great tacticians, or maybe it's me and my very second-degree interviews 🤔
Well, I'll think about it 😏😁😘

steril: On devrait être payé au caractère en interview !
Morten ou Blagoje, je peux poster dans PROJET D AMÉLIORATION?

Except for Drezzo. He should pay to do his interviews. 🫣

Demi-cerveau: Sauf pour Drezzo. Lui il devrait payer pour faire ses interviews. 🫣

I'm giving my ass in the championship isn't enough?!!! 😆

We're going to put the white square there, folks!

Hey, Mon Jean-Pierre! Did you see the tsunami we unleashed with our last interview?! Half the people didn't get a word, a good third thought we'd had too much to drink, a quarter thought we were megalomaniacs, a fifth thought we were in contact with aliens, and I think a sixth gave up after two sentences. 🤣
But the important thing to remember is that we're the talk of the town. If not for our exploits on the pitch, at least we're having a blast at press conferences! 😜
And that doesn't mean we're going to close our ****** 😁
The championship, you say? Oh dear, Mon Jean-Pierre, frankly, apart from hoping to see Blago miss out on the title, what's the point? We've always known that we're here for anything but that. But that doesn't mean we're snubbing you, at least you're entitled to our consideration 😉
And the future of the club? Hey, you're in fine form tonight, question-wise! Well, let's just say it's closer to the exit than the entrance, that's all. But don't worry, it's not because of the "willy combs" critics. The toad's drool, as you well know, slides off our immaculate dove plumage. 🕊️
Come on! The stadium's deserted, it's just us. I'll buy you a drink, it's the least I can do for the last of the mohicans still supporting me! 😁

Ah, my dear Jean-Pierre, it's the hard law of sport and clubs that like to flirt with the ridiculous.
We've already been shot down in flames because we dared to say that you were the last of the Mohicans to support us. The purists, on the other hand, advised me to see the film again, just to understand what that means. Nice! 🤭😁
Then the bus, that poor bus, got pelted with stones as it arrived near the stadium. We should have had riot shields, but hey, this isn't Mad Max either.
And then, to top it all off, we turn up with our hands in our pockets to play the great Blago. Well, "great" is a misnomer, because his only greatness is his stupidity. For 30 minutes, he and his team offered... nothing. Nada. Absolute nothingness. And all this against a team reduced to 10 men, made up of youngsters playing as if they had cinder blocks for feet. A show worthy of a French comedy with Omar Sy in it. 🤭
And the worst part? The guy will boast after all that, as if it was an achievement. But hey, when you support Bordeaux or Montpellier, even a virtual victory, you take it with a smile. And I can understand that, as a fan of a club that would make The Young and the Restless look like a masterpiece. Let's put it this way. 🤭😂

Ah, my Jean-Pierre! My rock, my pillar, my footballing philosopher! How is the man who weathered football's storms with the grace of a number 10 and the resilience of a keeper who has already conceded three penalties but remains on his feet? 😘
So, this little truce, not too trying without me? Come on, admit it, a bit of calm, it felt weird. But here I am again and again, like a bad remake of a film whose ending we already know.
Let's talk about the match... or rather this refereeing charade worthy of a prime-time show on a channel specialising in conspiracies. Seriously, JP, a straight red for a poor shirt pull, while on the other side of the pitch we witnessed stunts more impressive than in an action film? And who do I see smiling in the stands at that very moment? The Blago! THE BLAGO! That smile, that little grin of unhealthy satisfaction, like a serial villain who's just carried out his Machiavellian plan. I swear, JP, we're in a drama series where the good guys never win. I might as well tell you that we're not about to appear in a Marvel movie 🤭
But we knew that, didn't we? Every game, it's the same refrain: either my players are injured as if they were on a manhunt, or they get reds from the imagination of a referee who must have had a crash course with a playwright. And then we criticise our team, our play and our tactics? But how can we have any semblance of strategy when we're playing with more absentees than present on the pitch? At this stage, I'm seriously thinking of recruiting SNCF employees for training sessions, just so we can get used to playing understaffed. 😂
Anyway, JP, we're not going to remake the world... although frankly, we could do with a few adjustments. Come on, tell me, as the voice of reason in this mess, how do you see it? Because I'm on the verge of organising an international conference on "Arbitration and its abuses: myth or reality". 😅😁

In short, you've lost again. Love you.

And to think that from now on you have to have such and such a track record to join the masters melon championships... My arse on a chest of drawers, yeah.

Lebaygue: Et dire que dorénavant pour intégrer le championnt des masters melons,faut avoir tel ou tel palmarès...Mon cul sur la commode,ouais.

I'd love a photo, it's for a friend 😏🤭😘

Lebaygue: Et dire que dorénavant pour intégrer le championnt des masters melons,faut avoir tel ou tel palmarès...Mon cul sur la commode,ouais.

You mentioned a melon championship? Coming! 🍈

Well, well, well... Look at that, my dear Jean-Pierre!😏 All it took was one well-timed dig from Marcus for us to win the game. It just goes to show that strategic finesse is all about timing and well-placed bad faith. Can you believe it? Against one of his own team-mates, no less! You might as well say that you've just caused an earthquake in the established order... A bit like a cat crashing a dog meeting and declaring itself to be the leader. We're game anarchists, Jean-Pierre. Rebels. Revolutionary playmobils in shorts! 🤘😂
So yes, admittedly, I humbly admit, I'm a bit lost. A victory with nothing to criticise? No heated debate, no pent-up rage, no dramatic lament about the injustice of fate? And here I was, having prepared my finest plea of indignation, condemned to serenity. What a strange feeling 🤔
Anyway, since we have to celebrate the event properly, I suggest we go all out and celebrate as if we'd won the World Cup - nothing less! Because an occasion like this is as rare as a pigeon reciting Molière, so we might as well go all out. 🎉
Champagne! Confetti! Fireworks! And what about tomorrow? We'll talk about it as a legend, as a feat that will echo down the ages. Because, let's be honest, when glory grazes our fingertips, we take it in our stride! 💪😆
And yes, we'll be maintained, but at the same time there's no lower division 😜😎

So, Mr Blue, you'll have to be a bit consistent, won't you! How dare you say that you didn't follow the match while I, the great strategist on the sofa, watched it minute by minute? Come on, make me dream and explain to me how your curves varied so much in the second half and especially how you went from attacking the centre of the park to attacking the flanks, because right now, I'm curious! 😂🤣
Next, let's talk about Blago, who seems to have a secret passion for bashing my beloved Sochaliens. Wait a minute, when you're a Girondins fan and you couldn't even beat Avranches... you keep your mouth shut, sir! You keep your criticisms to yourself and ponder your own failures, thank you very much. 😜😘
On the other hand, you have to admit, what a victory today my friends! We're back in front of Jeff, we're regaling with real spectacle, unlike some who like soporific matches. But to each his own... if some people take pleasure in counting the blades of grass during a good old 0-0, who am I to judge? (Hein Monsieur Blago)😌🤭
Come on my dear JP, it is with infinite sadness and a twinge of sorrow that I am forced to abandon you. But what can I say, there are priorities in life, and it's not necessarily you. The sun in Brittany is like a shooting star: ephemeral, rare and almost legendary. So please understand that I can't afford to miss such a meteorological phenomenon.
So I'll leave you to your own devices, while I set off to brave the elements and enjoy these precious minutes of light before the sky remembers that it's Breton and decides to cry its eyes out. ☀️🌧️

Oh hands, Jean-Pierre, this is a robbery! Well, a robbery... In a manner of speaking, because if we really were burglars, we'd probably have finished with 11 and not 10. But then, we like extreme challenges: why steal victory discreetly when we can do it in commando mode, half-decimated? 😅
(Well I say win, yes it's a draw but it's still a win for us)
By the way, by playing the Robin Hoods of the league, we almost end up giving points to our beloved Blago. Well... "Well, 'almost', because no matter how hard you try, he just looks at it as if it were a poisonous snake ready to kill him. Decidedly, some people are better suited to being extras than to playing the lead. 🤣
And let's talk about the referees! At this level, we might as well replace the red card with a loyalty subscription: "Ten sending offs, the eleventh on the house!" Seriously, I love reds, especially when they're served as an aperitif, but this is turning into abuse. It's already David against Goliath, but if on top of that the referees decide to give Goliath stilts? Well, that's that. In any case, we're very happy with the result, although I doubt our opponents will be either 🤭

Ola my Jean-Pierre,
After the sun, the rain... a classic! Like a well-written episode of Breton weather, but hey, nothing dramatic, eh. The defeat was just as predictable as St-Etienne going down to L2 😜 inevitable but not insurmountable. Our real objective is that famous second leg against Blago. That's when it's time to get out the spikes and sharpen our legendary "we'll see what happens on the pitch" strategy, or more commonly known by the youngsters as the "inch'Allah" technique
In the meantime, let's talk about a real phenomenon worthy of the greatest pages in football history: the SANDWICH MAN. This unsung hero who, armed with his magic panini, achieved the unthinkable: a VFFA double and an IS Cup! Incredible, I tell you! A sandwich that knocks VF off its perch... frankly, if even street-food starts beating us, where's VF going? 🤭 In any case, it gives hope to underdogs like us... Maybe one day we'll see a Playmobil lifting a trophy? Well, let's be reasonable, before dreaming of exploits, let's concentrate on our next mission: beating Blago. That would be an achievement in itself, like a piece of buttered toast falling on its side. And then... as they say, you've got to eat to eat!
And so I've got the munchies, it's official, and the sun has decided to make its triumphant return, as if it'd received a VIP invitation to an aperitif dinner. The timing is perfect, it's almost divine synchronicity: a gentle breeze, a cool drink, a few carefully selected dishes (or just what's left in the fridge, let's be honest), and the promise of an evening discussing the real existential question: "Why do olives always disappear first?"
So I leave you my JP. See you soon, with perhaps a revolutionary theory on the mystery of peanuts disappearing too quickly! 😏☀️🍷🥖

When you're playing against the Tuches, you don't really have to force yourself to show freshness. Did you see the patriarch's face? Next to him, anyone would look fresh, even a depressive from Montpellier. No, Trent, let's stop rambling and get serious for a minute. What's the main news at the end of the season? Absolutely! Our return to the top. Not a single goal conceded since Matchday 3, 23 points taken out of 27 and a goal difference of +24! I really don't see how Drezzo could think that his pseudo-tactic could have the slightest effect on the last match of the season. You only have to look at the first leg: we gave him the whole first half-hour to demolish us and his playmobils didn't put three passes together. Frankly, the guy is in complete denial. I even wonder if he wasn't rocked too close to the wall as a baby. Anyway, we'll stick a 'manita' on him, he'll be red-faced - but I'm told he likes that - and he'll come crying into the interview like the poor man's Calimero that he is. I can see it now: "Oooh-ooh, Blago's mean. Oops, nobody loves me. Oops, you'll never understand me! Sounds like my ex!

Blagoje Vidinic:

Quand on joue contre les Tuches, il n'y a pas vraiment à forcer pour montrer de la fraîcheur. Tu as vu la gueule du patriarche ? À côté de lui, n'importe qui paraîtrait frais, même un montpelliérain dépressif. Non, Trent, Arrêtons de divaguer et soyons sérieux deux minutes. Quelle est l'information principale de cette fin de saison ? Absolument ! Notre retour au sommet. Plus un seul but encaissé depuis la 3e journée, 23 points pris sur 27 e

You'd say your ex 🤔🤔🤔 it's not the case 🤔🤔🤔🤔

As our dear Blago would say, there's disappointment aplenty. But then, what a surprise... well, for him. Because we're crying too, but they're tears of joy! Ah, that sweet thrill of victory, that moment when we savour our triumph while Blago sees his dreams of going up evaporate faster than a bottle of champagne opened on a festive evening.
Yes, my Blago, by trying too hard to compare me to your ex, you've become trapped in your own illusions. If you keep looking in the rear-view mirror, you end up missing the bend... and obviously the one facing Blue sent you straight into the wall. Now you're talking about revenge? Let's see, let's see... we, your benefactors, your guardian angels, those who bravely fought to rid you of your direct rivals! Such ingratitude, it almost brings a tear to my eye... with laughter.
But we're not going to stop there. The 'manita' is coming up, he says, and believe me, you'd better brush up on your scales, because if you play like you did against Blue, the only show you're going to see is your descent into hell live. Hold on to your hats, because what's about to happen might make you scale back your ambitions... Once again. 😘

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

The Force is in turmoil. A new threat emerges from the darkness.

A name echoes through the corridors of the Empire... Teddy.

A former knight, now more than just a warrior...
He's the new Vader.

His mission: to invade VFmaster.
His ultimate goal: to reach the 1st division and establish absolute rule.

The resistance is getting organised...
But nothing can stop the rise of the Empire.

Prepare yourselves. Domination begins.
image](https://i.imgur.com/m2Hh7ga.jpeg)

Teddy: Il y a bien longtemps, dans une galaxie lointaine, très lointaine...

La Force se trouble. Une nouvelle menace surgit des ténèbres.

Un nom résonne dans les couloirs de l’Empire... Teddy.

Ancien chevalier oublié, désormais devenu plus qu’un simple guerrier...
Il est le nouveau Vador.

Sa mission : envahir la VFmaster.
Son but ultime : accéder à la 1ère division et instaurer un règne absolu.

La résistance s'organise...
Mais rien ne pourra arrêter l’ascension de l’Empire.

Pr

https://media.tenor.com/oqPAzqbzGaQAAAAM/haze-piece-ohamaru.gif

Ah, my Jean-Pierre, great strategist with keen vision or bootmaker's intuition, we don't really know any more. Blago gave us a monumental thrashing, and you, with your prophetic eyes, saw it coming even before the referee blew his whistle. Shame on us, a shower of regrets, a tragedy worthy of the greatest classical plays... Or not!
But, at the end of the day, who is really the fall guy in this farce? The one who was there just to create a bit of atmosphere, or the one who was shouting from the rooftops that he would win the title and who, in the end, has to settle for the podium, just to keep up appearances? Right, JP? Are you going to answer me or are you just pretending to think?
In short, if this victory is enough to satisfy Blago, then let's give him a chocolate trophy, wrapped in a pretty ribbon. Good for him, it's a gift, even with extra smiles 😘. And then, let's be clear, where is this much heralded manita? Ah, it got lost along the way... Too bad, but for us, mission accomplished, end of the ball! 😎
The season comes to an end with one last dance before setting off on new adventures. We'll still be here, faithful to our post, ready to face the challenges ahead. And we hear that a teddy bear wants to do battle next season? Quite frankly, that promises a great show and interviews worthy of the Palme d'Or 😁.
In any case, GG to everyone, and above all, good luck for next season, especially for our two stars who are moving up to D1. Allez, bisous les trouducs, et merde à vous! 😘

Ps: a bit disappointed that balgo has more fans than me but hey I have to admit he's a good prick 😇😘

You're devastated ...😅 Tell me you've got the VF logo tattooed on your shoulder and that you've named your kid Aymeric Quarante Cinq

Deck: T'es ravagé ...😅 Dis moi que t'as le logo de VF tatoué sur l'épaule et que tu as appelé ton gosse Aymeric Quarante Cinq

It's a Deck game, we're here to have a laugh 🤣

I love his interview and the punchline about the soundtrack budget
I wish him luck in his conquest of the vf master!

3-0 in the first leg, 3-0 in the return: if there's one team that never rattled us, it was this one

Teddy:

Empire strikes back

Ah, my JP, it's been ages since we've seen each other, but no sooner have you arrived than I can already predict your every move with the precision of an over-rated psychic. You're as subtle as a bull in a china shop, or better still, as predictable as Blago when he's trying to pretend he's got a strategy. Because let's be honest, by sharing my negative vibes, he always ends up sinking as soon as he goes up to D1, like a paper ship in the rain. At that point, I wonder why he persists... Personally, I would have left someone inactive in his place. I'm sure he'd have done much better than our friend from Bordeaux 😜😘

And what about that famous match? Ah, a great sporting moment... or rather a dazzling demonstration of how to lose with panache! We were swept aside like crumbs on the Sunday morning table, with our fingers in the... well, you get the idea. It's hard to beat them when they're playing with the kind of intensity normally reserved for World Cup finals, while on the other side there were only young adventurers discovering with wonder that football is a sport, not a philosophical concept. A little 0-2? Frankly, we got away with it. Even if on VF, we could have screamed scandal, but obviously, our carrot 🥕 we're still waiting for it. One day perhaps, when the stars are properly aligned and Blago win the D1 (so never).

That said, if it happens against Jex, I'll take it without a second thought... 😏😄😘 You have to console yourself however you can. Come on, I'm off, I've got Aqua-poney in five minutes, and I don't want to miss the session just because another footballing disaster is underway. Happy season to you all, and above all... a gentle descent for Blago. 🫶

Yes, I know, another defeat... nanani, nanana... Blago is gloating, his smile as wide as his game is non-existent. But frankly, what kind of crazy idea is it to play on a Friday the 13th? It's bad enough that we're basically not very bright, but this was the cosmic alignment of all possible disasters. We should almost have asked the League to postpone the match on the pretext of an unfavourable astral conjunction.

But then, let's be honest: unbelievable but true, we scored our first league goal! Champagne, confetti and banners! You'd have to wonder if our opponents were paid to let us do it. The only slight downside was that we conceded four at the back, but who's counting the goals conceded at this stage?

Not to worry. It's worth noting that the A team played a vitally important game yesterday... which they didn't even win. So we're all off to the gulag (out of respect for the team, of course). In short, a reduced squad, accumulated fatigue and an atmosphere of general defeatism - an explosive cocktail for a performance whose mediocrity borders on a work of art. Frankly, I think we've reached such a level that sponsors should consider funding us purely for the humour we bring to the league. 🤡

Then again, let's give Zamouretto his due: last year, we stole victory from him like a pickpocket in the middle of the metro, so he owed us this nice beating. This beautiful whore, sorry, this nice 4-1 was almost an act of divine justice... or of well-honed karma.

So what about Blago, who's been killing us in the media with his latest tackle? Frankly, he's just there to make a noise, like a firework without light, as ghostly as ever, and you could almost award him a gold medal for best appearance in the league. As for his ambitions of a podium finish in D1 this season, I have as much faith in that as I do in Sochaux's rise to L2. I don't mind believing in miracles, but there are limits.... 😜 😘

Anyway, Friday the 13th is a perfect day to lose 😏

Episode I - The awakening of chaos

The first shock has struck.

In an overwhelming display of power, Teddy struck.
Mat-Team, caught off guard, overwhelmed by the intensity of the fight, had no respite.
The pitch became a field of domination.
Silence fell.
Fear set in.

The Empire advances.
And it will not stop.

A new name is registering on the chaos radar: Jason.

You can run. You can resist.
But Teddy's shadow is already hanging over your destiny.

The next stage is approaching.
A new confrontation is about to begin.

The Dark Force is on the march.
And it's taking no prisoners!

Episode II - The Shadow expands

image](https://i.imgur.com/O6rosHo.jpeg)
The chaos intensifies.

After a sensational entry into the arena, Teddy continues his relentless rise.

In a merciless duel, Jason was just a pawn swept away by the storm.
6-0.
No chance. No hope.
Just the mark of power.

The VFmaster galaxy begins to tremble.
In just two matches, Teddy is already in the lead.
The reign is taking hold.

But the domination has only just begun.

Spitzname...
Prepare to fall.
You're next to face the shadows.

The breath of the Dark Side approaches.
The light is fading..
And the Empire knows no mercy.

Ah JP, can you smell that sweet breeze of victory? That intoxicating scent of a 3-0 home win that caresses our egos like a well-watered raclette evening. Yeah, yeah, yeah, when the A's line up, it's immediately less chaotic, almost reassuring, like a GPS finally working after an hour's random driving.

And then someone dares to say that we're afraid of Teddy, that brave teddy bear with his dreams of intergalactic dictatorship! Honestly, JP, you've got to stop messing about. Teddy, aka Darth Vader on the toy shelves, smacks of a shoddy marketing operation! I bet that in a fortnight' time, Disney will be bringing out a collector's edition plush toy that says "I am your father" when you press its stomach. Are they going to dare sell us "Star Wars: The Plush Menace"? At this point, I say we add little Jedi bunnies and turn it into a musical. 🤭
And let's be serious, terrifying things, we've seen some. Blago's tactical level alone is a horror film in itself. His positioning is like a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing, and the remaining pieces are duplicated three times to really unsettle the opponent when it's strictly pointless. 😄

In short, a resounding victory, and above all: we're no longer last! We can officially raise a glass and roll out the red carpet. We head for the Cario Club, in the VIP corner of course, with its hushed atmosphere and subdued lighting... And we invite the Blago, just to prove to him that Montbéliard isn't just a backdrop for an agricultural documentary. 😘 He'll discover the club like an explorer facing an unknown tribe, with the same face I get when someone talks to me about yoga at six in the morning.

Come on JP, enjoy, and if Teddy ever starts talking too loud, give him a little yellow, that should be enough to calm his intergalactic ambitions! 😘